Everyone wants to know how to make money online and most people like to write about it in their blogs even though they don’t actually make money online themselves. Then there are those people brand new to all of this who want to know how to make money online for beginners. Of course, there are many ways to to go about learning how to make money online, but most of them will fail.

So this is a post about how to make money online, NOT!

First of all, go read all the so-called A-lister’s blogs, you know the ones, like John Chow, Yaro, Shoemoney, Problogger, Gary Conn, etc and learn everything they have to teach you about building a great Make Money Online blog and attracting thousands of feed readers and social traffic from Stumbleupon, Digg and Twitter etc, then put up a load of ads so all those visitors will click on them and you’ll make a ton of money.

Well with high expectations and the promise of all that money falling out of the sky into your lap you get started in earnest. Check out all the eBooks in the sidebars of the A-list gurus because they’re sure to show you even more great secrets on how to make money online that you may have missed and keep reading the top people’s blogs for more great info.

Then stumble on some foul mouthed Puerto Rican in an ugly looking blog called BloggerUnleashed who tells you that everything you’ve just learned is crap. But you should ignore him because he uses the F word a little too often and what can he know about how to make money online anyway? Why he had the audacity to call your best mate Gary Conn a scammer. And he takes the piss out of John Chow all the time. Sheesh, what does he know! Hell, write a post in your blog and call out that lying SOB. You could even challenge him to a contest to see who can really generate the most traffic. Why I bet you could easily take ten grand off him for getting more Google traffic to your great up and coming soon to be A-list blog! Be a cinch!

And look at the dross of society that hang out with him!

Some Canadian who calls himself Grizzly or something and he’s supposed to teach you how to make money with a crappy looking free blogger blog? Come on, these people must be so stupid to take any notice of an obvious liar like that hahaha.

And then there’s some guy who looks like a funny parrot who writes a reviews blog and another one who wants to show you how to make money online the “Honest Way”. I ask you, who in their right mind would trust someone who blatantly called themselves honest?

So you get back to your feed building and get ever more social traffic to your great MMO blog. Hey, you aren’t seeing a lot of clicks on all those great looking ads you have in your sidebar yet, but the gurus promise that it will come in time, so you redouble your efforts and post comments in ever more social blogs and make ever more friends in MyBlogLog and BlogCatalog and spend a good three or four hours a day messaging them all because its so important to keep them interested in you and your MMO blog.

Then after you’ve been doing that for like two years and the bank are just about to foreclose on your mortgage, your spouse is packing their bags to leave you for good and you’re credit cards are all maxed out because you bought every eBook you could get your hands on and signed up for every mentoring school by all the best gurus to show you how to make a thousand dollars a day… face it, you’re broke and you failed.

What can you possibly do to turn things around?

You barely made enough in all that time from all those ads to cover the cost of your hosting. Oh, wait a minute, no you didn’t… your premium MMO blog doesn’t seem to be displaying in your browser any more. I guess your hosting company didn’t get their last monthly payment from your now empty PayPal account.

It looks like there’s only one thing left to do

Go and get a JOB!

…

…Six months later…

You’re on Google and you happen to search on “Make Money Online” and of the 10  million or so competing pages, right there at the top is that crappy free blogger blog by that Grizzly guy. No, surely… he can’t possibly be…

Terry Didcott
Author of Blogging Web 2.0

Filed under: Blogging